Friday, October 10, 2008

Dealing with Anger

I hope I'm a person who tries to see things in their entirety, from the whole of what I see to specific issues and aspects of the situation. And yet even as I write these words I understand that I'm moving from generalizations (the ideas in my mind) to specifics (the words I write), but you read from my words (the specifics) and move to generalizations (ideas). So we are out of step to begin even this conversation...and that causes more arguments and misunderstandings then I will ever know.

I have a situation with another person that has been driving me crazy this past week. The majority of our problems stems from our lack of communication. The other person has in mind one thing, and I have another...and there is the problem.

Being a counselor, I know the role communication has in creating and resolving problems...but there is another little devil in the soup. And that is anger. Anger builds walls...simply because we don't want the other person to hurt us again...and so we turn away and stop the flow of communication. It is sad, but true. Our anger never helps to solve our problems...just compounds it. So I have to deal with my anger.

First, I have to figure out what it is that is making me angry. Almost 99% of the time, it has to do with my feelings and not really with the other person...yea 1% of the time it is the other person because they really are being..... You understand? Yea, I thought so...but most of the time it’s me. I need to check my own feelings.

Second, when I have taken a moment to check myself...I typically see possible areas where I'm missed communicating my needs and desires to the other person. And once I see them...I can sometimes move forward to talk with the person again...and this time, find a solution that is beneficial to them and me.

Final point on this is that sometimes it just doesn't work. And the anger is compounded. If that's the case I move back to step one and realize the individual belongs in the 1% group and let it go at that. I'm not going to change them and we're just not going to I'll let God deal with them and press ahead on some other front. And if I really can’t deal with it anymore…I go run…

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